No point in having a point

Really it is point less. I mean when you say something which to you appears as simple as saying "that woman there in blue is known to me". And people around you are up in arms "that is definitely not blue, may be turquoise but definitely not blue" or " how can you assume that that person is a woman, I think it is because of your prejudice against women in short hair". I feel like pulling my hair, pulling them off their roots that they can see that they may have a point but that was not the point. Anyhow, such has been the communication between me and the rest of the world that I have set up a challenge for myself. Try to actively listen to others, i.e without switching off, but let the urge to say something come and go. Essentially shut up for a change. So as we walked up to the venue of an urgent meeting, I couldn't resist telling a couple of my colleagues about my resolution. While they were impressed that I didn't even wait till the new year for a resolution, they know me so well that they bet me a dinner if I could pull it off even for the up coming meeting. Oh how I sat through it only I know but I actually managed to earn my dinner after an hour's concentrated effort. After the meeting, the careful observer may have noticed my straight run to the eatery nearby with a friend. And yes the paav was warmed up in butter and the bhajee had a liberal dash of butter and there was a spoonful of butter just in case someone was missing the point. It was damn comforting.

On my way to pee

Cooler climes in Chennai are so very welcome. It is just wonderful to not have the sun beating down your head or sweat trickling along your back. The rains come and everything looks so fresh and green. Comes along the season of the heavenly fruit seetaphal, yes that is what even I call it now after fighting for years that seetaphal is kaddu and not shareefa. And these are the few months when I am able to wear trousers and jeans in Chennai without feeling suffocated my waist downward. These are also the months when the nature is on a speed dial. To attend these calls when I rush out of my office locking the door, I prefer not to gather any company along the corridor, but of course today I see a student and strike a polite conversation as we walked up to the T junction all the while hoping the guy turns left there but nope! Turning right both of us knew our respective destinations, the student found it too embarrassing and dashed ahead to maintain a distance before the men's room provided him the refuge. I tried not to laugh as the bladder was too full and my refuge was a bit further away.

A glimpse of the past

That we have come a long way, as parents that is, became evident to us last week when we had one of our friend and his family at home with us for a few days. Their two year old took us back in time when RRJ was that age. The time when I often wondered if I would ever be composed, calm and sane again. If I would ever be able to get up from sleep when I want to and not when I have to. If I would ever be able to complete a conversation and say a proper bye to people on phone before putting it down, or see RRJ in the vicinity of any milk product and not loose my mind. If I would ever be able to hear him cough and not worry about a wheezing attack and not be tense about every approaching meal time. If I would be be able to be in regular touch with my brothers and friends. If I would ever be able to take a step not worrying about what it would be up on, a toy on a good day and a bad day would be half spent trying to scrub of the smell only a two year old can produce. My vocabulary was rapidly reducing to the F word. F this, F that, depending on the strength of emotion I would mutter it under the breath or hiss it out, shout it aloud or if my memory serves me right there were a few occasions when I even sang it to a tune.

Then in the night when lights went out, I would sing 'ik din mit jayega matee ke mol, jag mein rah jayenge pyare tere bol' as a lullaby to RRJ and soothe my tired soul. A gentle reminder to myself to check on what I say. Little did I know, my little boy was listening to every bit of the song, not understanding a word but recording it like a tape recorder. It was such a delight to hear him sing......... Going through my digital records of those days, I rediscovered my delight last week.

Wait and watch

What a fun experiment with 4 year olds and marshmallows! Charming sniffing little lady.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0yhHKWUa0g

Feeling blue

Feel so gutted. I never thought I would ever use 'gutted' or for that matter 'knackered' or 'buggered'. At the moment I need all three. Just got the lesson for calling my work as a 'friend' who introduces me to a different set of people. I guess I was being too nice there. A colleague very sweetly, in not so many words told me that there are two bright students who are finding my course not challenging enough. Usually I disregard this person's comments very easily but today I am clearly not in form. And to add to the fun there is a department meeting lined up for the afternoon right after the lab for which one of the machines is out of order. Oh I so love my work.

Work and/or life

Finding the right balance between work and life is an unavoidable exercise every family goes through. What works for one is an absolute no-no for the other. I just read this article (sorry, am not able to link it)

http://www.guardian.co.uk/culture/2009/nov/01/gaby-hinsliff-quits-working-motherhood

and it reminded of the question I have asked myself so many times, so what is this life after all, if we can't spare time for loved ones? Then to counter I ask then why does anyone work at all?

Work is strangely like a 'friend' to me, I go to work and it is always there, makes me feel appreciated, engages me, introduces me to new people, rewards me in many ways and of course it has a claim on my time and energy. No denying that there are times when I wish I could chuck it all out of the window and sit at home but without work I will be lonely, I know that. I remember a phase in my life when I was extremely happy and unhappy at the same time. While I had a life, I had no work. It was so weird, almost like a split personality.

I think working and having a life are not mutually exclusive. The essential ingredient is an understanding and supportive family, willing to share you with your work.